i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
