I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
