conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize