Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
