I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
