How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
