The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
