I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
