Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I believe in your delicious
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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