don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
