I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
