It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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