oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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