"it" just moved
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
