Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
