its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
