are you so shy because you have an std?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
