Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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