Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize