dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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