If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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