I look better un-naked...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
bring money and cleavage
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
