after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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