If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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