My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize