Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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