Don't you send me to vm
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
