You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
