I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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