if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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