I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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