He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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