I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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