have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
