im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
