I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
