Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize