Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
