if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
