East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are the jesus of drinking
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
