Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
