Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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