Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
