In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
