Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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