ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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