Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
