I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
