Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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