Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
