how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
