sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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