At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
