you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
