Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
