Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
