Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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