Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize