I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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