Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize