hell yes lets make some ravioli
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
