oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Randomize
