that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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