My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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