Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize