someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
