A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
