he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
