Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
