I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
