when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
