Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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