Define "chronic" masturbator.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
