but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize