i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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