This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
