soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
