the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize