it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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