so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize