My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I still have a little drunk in my system
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
