Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
