As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
