I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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