People in love make me want to vomit
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
