You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
