We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
