I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
