On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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