I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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